Thanksgiving

Let's find some other day and reason to give thanks in the United States.

Breaking Dawn

Have you ever seen a Twilight movie more than once in theaters? If you're reading this post, I am guessing you have not. I have. More than one. Now I have seen Breaking Dawn twice too. This is a function of seeing it already with relia and having a Twilight-fan mother who has no other relatives or friends willing to see ridiculous fantasy movies in theaters with her. (I've also committed to seeing The Immortals, which I'll probably regret more.) I wouldn't ascribe the term "Twimom" to her, rather an avid fan of the vampire genre in general (she likes both Anne Rice and Blade) who likes to keep up with recent developments in this segment of pop culture. I am also apparently the only damned good sport in my greater familial and extrafamilial social circle, so here I am.

Things I noticed on my first viewing of Breaking Dawn:
- Everything RPattz does is funny.
- Rescore this and it would be a shot-for-shot weirdly structured very slow-going horror movie.
- Seth Clearwater has got a pretty face on him.
- Alice Cullen looks like Kanaya.
- What, nothing else happened? That was a whole movie?

Things I noticed on my second viewing of Breaking Dawn:
- Everything RPattz does is funny.
- Rescore this and it would be a shot-for-shot weirdly structured very slow-going horror movie.
- Seth Clearwater has got a pretty face on him, my oh my. Jake's missing out if he don't snap that up. Haha, snap. All the werewolves are better-looking than all the vampires (Carlisle maybe in the same tier), which I guess is a function of bone-whiteness being much prettier on the page than on a living actor.
- What, nothing else happened? That was a whole movie?
- I feel like this film loudly and clearly broadcasted the exact opposite to the messages it was supposed to be broadcasting. I get this was supposed to be some kind of pro-life miracle story, but it played out like a really melodramatic pro-choice screed on getting pregnant by some cryptkeeper's monster semen and dying gorily when you refuse to terminate it. Similarly I guess this was meant to make you disagree with Sam but if I saw that horrifying monster baby I would probably want to kill it too. Jesus Christ, Renesmee Cullen, get out of my nightmares.
- Why would you go all the way to Rio and then not spend any time in Rio?
- Alice Cullen looks like Kanaya.
- What, nothing else happened? That was a whole movie?

Things I've noticed in every Twilight movie:
- Everything RPattz does is funny.
- What, nothing else happened? That was a whole movie?