Anonymous

[prodigy]

This movie was a gigantic insult to the lives, work, and legacy of William Shakespeare, the Globe Theatre, and all their friends and compatriots -- but since it's a feature-length Oxfordian screed, we knew that going in. Oxfordians gonna oxford. Anyway, the first 2/3 of it were also boring as hell and relia kept falling asleep on my shoulder.

The last 1/3 -- surprise! It -- ... improved! relia definitely woke up!

Actually, I dunno what else I can say about this. I'm pretty sure I can't write anything about Anonymous that could be as funny as the movie was unintentionally. But only the last 1/3. The only thing funny about the first part was how I texted one of my college friends to complain about how bored I was and he texted me back with, "You're on your own, bro. I'm wearing a tuxedo and watching Kiss Kiss Bang Bang."

Surprise!

SHALL I COMPARE THEE TO A SUMMER'S DAY, MY BEAUTIFUL INCEST-SON? THOU ART MORE LOVELY AND MORE TEMPERATE!! ROUGH WINDS DO SHAKE THE DARLING BUDS OF MAY

BUT THY ETERNAL INCEST SUMMER SHALL NOT FADE

Cripples are evil!! Women think with their vaginas. What's gayness, precious. Of course the Earl of Oxford would cake himself in Sephora eyeliner.

Comments

[prodigy]

People are getting so het up about the existence of Oxfordians. I'm more peeved that they had to make such a boring movie out of it. Where's the evil albino Merovingian monk hidden in the Louvre?